I’ve been finding myself singing a lot of gospel songs and worship songs when I’m alone. Drive homes, the time before Toby gets dropped off, the early morning before I get Toby up. One of the things that I always seem to do is sing worship songs when I feel uneasy about a situation, I feel like something is about to go wrong, or I am in crisis. I don’t know for 100% that each time I have sung that it has helped to keep something bad from happening but I also don’t know that it hasn’t helped either.
Generally, I have a feeling that despite what has already happened in my life, there is a storm coming. I don’t know what it entails. I don’t even know if it’s real, it’s just a feeling. Like a small knot in your stomach. That feeling when you walk into a room and you know something is wrong. Maybe that’s why I have been singing a lot. I told a friend the other day that I basically sound like Eddie Vedder with a cold, when I sing. The Bible says to make a joyful noise, and a noise I do make. If this storm does come, I honestly don’t know how I’ll weather if. If it was just me, then I would let the storm pound away and then pick up the pieces the best I could after. Toby, is however a game changer.
I feel ill prepared and worried like a sailor lost at sea. Kinda like the only choice I have is to just let the storm toss me around and then cap-size my boat. I can’t think of anything that I can really do. When these feelings come about, that’s usually when I sing. Most times it’s just a song, a verse or a line. Recently, with the amount that I have sung, this storm feels huge. It seems as though my only protection is to keep on singing. Keep on making noise. Like I said, I don’t know that helps, but I also don’t know that if doesn’t.