Filed

I file. I file about a ream of paper per month. I file important documents that are read by judged and lawyers. I file paper that will probably only be read by three people, ever. I usually take one day a week and file all of my paperwork. If some how things shake out and I don’t get to file that week, the next can feel like a mountain of papers. What might be one of the most important documents in my life to be filed, I didn’t even file.

Over a week ago my STBX filed our divorce papers. I use the word “our” and realize that for many couples this is a bit different. Typically it’s one person filing against another person’s will or without them other knowing. From talking to various people the actually filing is the tipping point of the relationship. The end all be all. For some the filing is filled with anger, sadness, relief, joy, anxiety, etc. For my STBX and I, it was really just a procedural thing. A form to fill out and turn in. No anger, no frustrations, no betrayal. In fact she helped me by showing me where I needed to sign the papers. It was… uneventful.

As uneventful as it was, it does begin to bring about finality to things. It begins to solidify what was already in place and create separation. It makes a difference when you talk to someone or tell someone “we have filed for…” vs “we have separated”. Some place in the deep recesses of my psyche I’m sure there was a change, a difference, or a shift. Not only was there a shift in my thinking but also in my behaviors, my mannerism, my approach to life. While the actual filing was uneventful it was an event.

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