Well it’s 12:37am. One of those nights where it seems like everything and nothing is on your mind at the same time. Various scenarios roll through your head like a movies spliced together by a second rate editor. Thoughts about work blend into thoughts about Toby and his future. Scenarios of different relationships roll through, all seemingly ending like a Shakespearean tragedy.
Then comes the what ifs… The what if I would have said no.. Or what if I would have said yes… Or what if I would have turned left… Or taken the red pill… Ok the last one never happened… Or did it? Anyways, these roll through like a huge snow ball that you are pushing around your yard, it gets bigger and bigger. Each turn it weighs more. Weighing heavily on your mind.
The whole thing begins to spins. The what ifs mix in with the tragic scenarios which turn into a monster of questioning every choice you made, going back to those choices and then projecting what life could have been had you made other choices. Which inevitably roll into more choices but then you begin thinking about those choices but they aren’t real because now you questioning yourself on choices based upon an alternate reality and the next thing you know, your alarm goes off and you feel more tired than when you went to bed.