But in this moment…

Ever had the wind knocked out of you? I did. No, this isn’t some old football injury story or even anything that comical. It happened when I was about 11yrs old. I was playing on my great uncles porch. There was a dog chain wrapped around the railing. I was pretending that I was scaling the porch, like a mountain climber. I would grab the chain and plan my feet on the porch and begin pulling myself up. One time though the gain gave way. I landed with a thud on my back. The landing knocked the wind out of me. For someone who has had a history of a heart problem I remember thinking, well this is it. I’m not gonna be able to breath again. I’m gonna die because I was pretending to scale a mountain. Eventually I gained my breath back. I slowly regained my composure. But in that moment…

I’m having a moment tonight in which I feel like the wind is being knocked out of me. I look at the sea of toys, dirty dishes, trash that needs taken out, the unfinished yard, my car with so many problems I can’t begin to name, add a 3yr old who just got into trouble for pushing kids at daycare… It all seems overwhelming. The air feels like it was forced from me. I try to take a deep breath and focus but it doesn’t work. It feels like the sum of what’s going on is swallowing me whole.

I know that there are people out there that have less than I do. That have less resources. Less support. Sometimes though, it all feels overwhelming. The constant wonder of when will it get easier or will it? Will it always feel this overwhelming? Or will I just get use to the feeling? At some point I’m sure I’ll regain my composure, but in this moment…

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One thought on “But in this moment…

  1. Nate I loved reading the heartfelt emotion you expressed writing about how overwhelmed you felt. I can relate. I can also say I’m so glad when I get back to feeling “normal” again and once again can breathe…

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