Scar Tissue

“Scars tissue that I wish you saw” Red Hot Chili Peppers

Last year I saw the RHCP in concert. It was a blast. I was never really a big concert person. My favorite band of all time is Pearl Jam, never seen them in concert. Just never really had the desire to go. However, the RHCP might have awaken my inner concert goer.

One of my favorite RHCP songs is Scar Tissue. It’s because of the line I quoted at the beginning. This line resonates in my head on a consistent basis. Most of the time is when I play sports. Any of you that have played any sport with me know that I’m not the most athletic person. Heck I’m not the classic “Tim Tebow” where I’m non-athletic but I try really hard and go all out to make up for it (you know who I’m talking about, that guy). Heck I’m probably below average in just about every sport I play (except Frisbee).

What’s crazy to me is how many people I’ve played against that have no idea I have a heart problem. That don’t know that the doctors told my mom I might not be able to run again. That my right side went paralyzed and I needed to learn how to do everything left handed. However, if I took off my shirt. Everything would change. You would see a scar that runs down the center of my chest. You would see the “butterfly” scar at the top. The scar that shows how I went into full arrest after my surgery and those “shock” paddles messed up my stitches. Everything would change.

This is my "Butterfly" scar

This is my “Butterfly” scar

On both of my wrists have scars on them. On both of my ankles as well. Really observant people have asked me if I tried to kill myself before or if I was a cutter. I know there are some friends that have literally never noticed them. If they do and ask about them, the explanation goes something like this:

Me “you know how when you have surgery you need to get an IV?”

Them “oh yeah”

Me “Well I was so malnourished when I was 3, I didn’t have any veins close enough to the surface for an IV”

Them “oh”

Me “So they did a cut down on my wrists and on my ankles until they found a vein they could “plug into””

Them “wow…”

So yeah, if you pay attention and ever look, you’ll see them. You’ll see the cut down scars.

Back to the song lyrics. I love that line because so many times I think that line in my head. When an opponent gets pumped because they shot a basket over me, or when one of my kids at work start complaining how crappy their lives are and staff don’t understand. Again, if they saw the scars everything would change. But here is the flip side. I don’t want anything to change. Most of the time I don’t want them to know. I don’t want them to back down. I don’t want them to play me any different. I don’t want their pity, their “soft” game, or even for them to hesitate. I want their best. Why? Because in the end their best isn’t open heart surgery and I’ve already beaten that.

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