Eventually

So this is the first time in awhile that I have sat down at my computer and actually typed out a rant.  “But Nate you rant all of the time!” Says one of my readers that I just made up in my head that doesn’t exist but I just created for the sake of having that quote.  Anyways, Yes I do “rant” on a regular basis.  I typically use my phone.  I started off using WordPress’s app for Iphone but it kept doing this crappy auto save thing so I stopped using it and began using the notepad app instead.  For whatever reason it felt better and it didn’t freeze up because it was auto saving to a server.  Anyways, the beauty of it all is that Toby can watch his shows and I whine and complain to you all.

So why the heck am I sitting here now? Ah bath time.  Its a great time.  Toby is getting a bath and so I had nothing else better to do but plop my butt down and type out something.  So I was thinking, like I usually do, that I needed to post something positive.  I was thinking about a few of my last post and many of them had a dark feel.  I didn’t want to give you, my readers, the impression that I was slipping into some sort of dark dangerous depression because all I rant about is negative things.  So I’ve been trying to force myself into thinking of something positive to rant about.  Ah and here in lies the issue.   I don’t have anything right now.  Anything positive that is.  Someone told me earlier today to “keep my head up”, “things will get better”.  Later in the day I had another conversation with a friend and I suddenly realized that as of tomorrow morning half the calendar year will be over.  Then I thought of how crappy the first half of this year has been.  Here is my check list in just 6 short months:

Realizing your marriage is doomed (check)

Separation with impending divorce (check)

Suddenly becoming a single father of an insane 3yr old (check)

Suddenly having to pay an gross amount of money for someone to watch that insane 3yr old (check)

A very sudden realization that your ex has moved on completely (check)

All in just a short 6 months.  Hell, people have lived life times and not experience this much change in their lives.  Ok, maybe I am being a little grandiose.  One of my students at work is going through a tough family situation.  He is coming to terms with a separation from his family.  The idea of the  popped into my head.  I counseled him that he needs to go through the 5 stages of grief but he cannot get stuck there.  He has to eventually move on and get to acceptance.  In short I was talking to myself.  Here I am grieving, if you will,5 stages a failed marriage and the end of a lifestyle.

My ex and I went through the denial phase together.  We simply did not accept that our marriage was dying and that we needed to move on.  Then the anger part.  I think we went through some of that together as well.  Bargaining.  We went through that together but separately.  We both debated ideas of how to make it work.  What we could each sacrifice to keep the marriage together.  What we could bargain. Depression and acceptance.  I think these are the phases that oscillate between.  Eventually, I’ll have more days of acceptance than depression.  Eventually, I’ll fully move on.  Eventually.

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