Car accidents and UFO’s

I hate being late. I hate when others are late. I use to experience anxiety anytime someone was late. I remember pacing back and forth in the living waiting for people. It’s incredible how many terrible thoughts I would have when someone was late. I use to think that terrible things were happening to the person that was late. Everything from car accidents to UFO abductions (seriously). The worst was that I would think that person simply didn’t care. They forgot about me. Moved on to something more important. These thoughts creep up in my mind every so often. I’ve gotten better over the years about keeping them under wraps and not letting them get out of control.

Now I face a similar issue. In the same family as the “anxiety of people being late” but I think much worse. For the first time in my life I think I am having mild panic attacks. I say mild because they aren’t paralyzing and I don’t start hyperventilating. My heart does race. My mind seems to get flooded with an avalanche of thoughts. I think of that dresser drawer that you just pile all of your clothes in and then you need something out of it and suddenly all these clothes pop out! Or the classic over packing a suitcase and sitting on it just to get it closed, then you got to open it later and the contents explode. Most of the time I have a pretty solid grasp of what’s going on in my mind. I can typically keep my thoughts and feelings in check. Now, I don’t know. This is different but the same as before. Pacing back and forth in front of a window waiting for someone and letting chaos unfold in my brain. Or maybe sitting on the front porch waiting…

I don’t think that it’s something I need meds for. Though I am not certain I would take them even if I had them. Counseling? Maybe? But I know the coping skills. How to breaking down my thoughts. How to rationalize them. I don’t know that it would provide anything new for me. It maybe just a season or a time in my life. I think of everything that’s going on and I know that stress and pressure can cause such things. Or maybe you are witnessing my spiral into insanity. Either way it should be a fun ride.

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