One day I found myself in a stadium full of people. There were people all around me going crazy. We were all standing in freezing temperatures yelling, cheering, and some were swearing. There was an insane passion that swept through the crowd as the song Renegade by Styx blasts through loud speakers. I looked around and I saw a swarm of yellow towels being spun furiously. This is a scene that I’ve had the privilege of taking in at least five times in my life. This is a scene from a Steelers game.
I spent about four years living in Nashville. For those of you who don’t know because you are either to young to know or you lived under a rock, Nashville didn’t always have a NFL team. While I lived down there I met an astounding amount of Steeler fan. There are enough Steelers fans down there that they have a Steelers bar called Piranhas Bar & Grill. It was common place to walk down town Nashville and see people wearing Steelers jerseys. I got to go to a Steelers vs Titans game in Nashville with my buddy Jeremy and I promise you that there were more Steelers fans there than Titans fans. I remember one fan that I met while at work. Sadly enough I don’t remember his name. He pulled in with a huge black truck covered in Steelers decals. He was rocking a nice leather Steelers coat, had the newest sideline hat on, and was styling a shiny gold plated Steelers watch. Of course we get to talking. I asked him if he had ever been to a Steelers game before. He replied no, he always wanted to go, even heard stories about how crazy the stadium gets. I made a feeble attempt to describe to him what my experiences were like. Attempting to explain how you can suddenly be hugging a complete stranger after just one play. How the terrible towels being waved created a yellow hue across the stadium. As always though, it turned out to be one of those things where you “just had to be there”.
I find myself increasingly “wanting to be there” but falling short. I’m not talking about Steelers games but moments in life. One of my last posts I ranted about how I plan things out too much and I miss those “moments” because I am too busy planning. This issue of “wanting to be there” or being “in the moment” continues to plague me. It seems the harder I push sometimes the further I feel away. I had an interesting conversation with a friend today about being an extrovert and introvert; outgoing vs not outgoing. I find myself in what maybe the worst combination of the two. An extrovert that isn’t outgoing. I enjoy being around people and seeing what’s going on but I can’t push through my own brain and be outgoing to the point of meeting new people and trying new things. So the default is to almost become an isolate that just watches. And that’s the problem. I feel like I am just watching everyone else at times. I’m the Steelers fan that lives in Nashville and has never been to the game and can only watch the other fans. I think I simply need to push myself or maybe be pushed? Step outside of my brain and find a way of turning it off, which is easier said than done. How does one turn off their brain? Once again I find myself without any answers. Also, I’ll be updating my “Who am I?” page. As a teaser I’m gonna give some insight as to a contributor of my cynicism. As always comments are always welcome!