So ever since things really started to get a little chaotic in my life, I began writing Toby letters. The letters aren’t on a weekly basis but instead when there are just moments in which I feel like I need to tell him something. Some of the letters are to teach him something or maybe explain something. I posted on Facebook that this blog would be an insight into the “real” me. This letter isn’t to show what a great dad I am, but a reflection of the “hope” part in the title of this blog. I don’t imagine that I will post many of these letters but I felt the need to share the “hope” that keeps me from going over the edge.
Dear Toby, (3/14/13)
It’s the night before your 3rd birthday! How amazing is that? I just put you to bed. Just about every night I let you watch some random video like “Sheep on the island” or “Chip and Dale”. Just like every other night I laid down with you for a few minutes. Usually we sing songs. Tonight was different. You saw my phone and it had a picture of you and me on it! You were able to say “Hey that’s me!” And “That’s Dadda.” Tonight though I took the time to teach you how to say “you and me.” First you kinda messed it up by pointing to yourself and saying “you” then pointing to me and saying “me”. I put your hand on my chest and said “you” and then put your hand on your chest and said “me”. You’re pretty smart because you picked up on it instantly! Then the most incredible thing happened. You strung together sentences that went “You and me. Friend Dadda. I love you dadda.” (You got the hand motions down and you gave me a big hug at the end). I believe only when you have a child of your own and something similar happens will you truly understand what this means to me. I love you little man.